Here in Peep Town

“FBI is a gang of professional criminals paid by the government to break the government’s own laws. FBI itself is above the law. It buries its agents so deeply in anonymity that they can’t be identified by any central authority. They operate freely, unconstrained by oversight or accountability. Is it any wonder that some of them, armed with the most sophisticated privacy invasion tools in existence, use those tools for their own ends?”

“No one will believe you.”

Welcome to Peep Town

The Postal So-called Police
Captain Chappaquiddick
Faggy Boys Inc.
Our Elected Representatives
A Peepie Primer

Robert the Pervert
The Three Stooges
I Telephone the President
An Arrest?

How the Peepies Enforce
  Mob Rule
Considering a Career?
Senator Couldnthelp
Circus Life

A Love Letter
Hal the Pig, CPA
American President Lines
The Cable Guy

Hard Work Pays Off
A Visit from the Plumber
Freaky Me
The Casting Couch
Peep Town Now

Katie

An Arrest?

One evening I woke up to hear what sounded like an FBI agent arresting a Peepie outside my door in the lobby of my apartment building. The agent was trying hard, unsuccessfully, to convince the Peepie not to resist.

Agent: "We have incontestable evidence against you. We have your signature on the request form [for a controlled substance]. We have a sworn statement confirming that you ordered the release of a toxic substance in a confined space. Why did you do it?"

Peepie: "We weren't sure that we wanted him to publish information about us on the web."

Agent: "If you resist you will increase your difficulties."

I couldn't hear the Peepie's reply.

Agent: "I can call for backup."

Peepie: "By the time backup gets here, I'll be long gone."

Agent: "I can tackle you."

Peepie: "When I played football in college, they said I couldn't be tackled."

Sounds of a scuffle.

Agent: "This is your blood. Look."

More scuffling.

Agent: "I can hit you again. When we arrested a former colleague of yours we had to break his back to get him to cooperate. I can break your back one vertebra at a time. You may never be able to walk upright again."

Peepie: "What happened to him?"

Agent: "We plea-bargained his case down to eight counts. He won't get out of prison until he's in his 90's, at which point he's unlikely to present any kind of threat. He uses a wheelchair to get around when he's allowed to leave his cell. He'll probably never walk normally."

Peepie: "When he gets out, he'll be welcomed back as a hero. He'll be treated like royalty. He won't have to work. He'll be a hero."

Agent's reply was inaudible.

Peepie: "You can't defeat us. There are dozens, hundreds of us ready to take his place. You'll give up. We've seen your memos about cost effectiveness."

Agent: "That concerned an aspect of the program which has since been discontinued as unnecessary."

Peepie: "We understand that the director has expressed dissatisfaction with your investigation."

Agent: "On the contrary, the director has indicated that he's pleased with our progress."

Peepie: "You don't understand the scope of Our Construct. It's been built to last for generations. Someone will take my place within hours."

Agent: "How so?"

Peepie: "When we go on an assignment, we leave a phone number where we can be called at a certain time. If we don't answer, a replacement is sent forthwith."

Agent: "I suppose you never thought you'd be sitting where you are now. You've added twenty years to your already lengthy sentence. The court does not look lightly on resisting arrest, nor does the court look lightly on attempted murder."

Peepie: "What about my affairs?"

Agent: "Generally, the court assigns an executor, and the executor's fees are taken out of the estate."

Peepie: "The court does that?"

Agent: "Of course. We can't let those to whom you owe obligations suffer just because you're a miscreant."

Agent: "Everything you've said has been recorded. We record everything that happens during an arrest in order to protect ourselves against allegations of undue force.

"We'll wait for the ambulance. You'll be examined for skull fractures. You'd better hope you don't have any. The complications can be quite unpleasant. Sit there. Don't move. Understand, I have the legal authority to hit you as many times as are necessary to subdue you."

Sound of an siren. A male voice orders, "Strap him here."

Silence.