Here in Peep Town
“FBI is a gang of professional criminals paid by the government to break the government’s own laws. FBI itself is above the law. It buries its agents so deeply in anonymity that they can’t be identified by any central authority. They operate freely, unconstrained by oversight or accountability. Is it any wonder that some of them, armed with the most sophisticated privacy invasion tools in existence, use those tools for their own ends?”
“No one will believe you.”
The Postal So-called Police
Captain Chappaquiddick
Faggy Boys Inc.
Our Elected Representatives
A Peepie Primer
Robert the Pervert
The Three Stooges
I Telephone the President
An Arrest?
How the Peepies Enforce
Mob Rule
Considering a Career?
Senator Couldnthelp
Circus Life
A Love Letter
Hal the Pig, CPA
American President Lines
The Cable Guy
Hard Work Pays Off
A Visit from the Plumber
Freaky Me
The Casting Couch
Peep Town Now
Circus Life
Here are some glimpses into my life at the San Francisco public accounting firm
Larry, Curly, Mo.
Mo and I Do Lunch
Soon after I was hired
Mo
took me to lunch at an upscale restaurant. As we were eating he suddenly asked, "What do you think of me?"
"What do I think of you? You're one of the partners."
"That's not what I mean. What do you think of me personally?"
"I don't think of you personally. You're a partner, that's all."
"Well, think about me now."
"Oh, I guess you're alright," I lied.
"Is that all you think?"
"Look, I didn't spend the last nine years in hell [earning my professional credentials in night school] just to get bullied. If you have to go on like this, I'll just go back to the office and let you finish your lunch by yourself."
He reached for his shoulder and appeared to adjust something. I heard a voice say, "Act as if nothing has happened."
"What was that?" I asked in astonishment.
"My guardian angel," he admitted sheepishly.
Mo was wearing a "wire," a concealed wireless transmitter-receiver.
An Upset Auditor
It was important to the three clowns who owned this firm to drag as many people as possible down to their own self-perceived low level. They used various strategies to accomplish this, and here's how they dealt with me.
In any other public accounting firm my position as tax manager would have elevated me to a level of respect from the partners. These partners, however, being incapable of respecting themselves, were equally incapable of respecting anyone else. Not being gay only made me a threat to them. I had to be put it my place.
They hired a new auditor and made it known that she was being paid more than I was. This, of course, was unheard of. They intended to humiliate me, but their strategy backfired.
The auditor came into my office on day visibly upset. She insisted she needed to talk to me. We sat at my desk and she poured out her feelings which, apparently, she'd been harboring for some time. She apologized repeatedly for the salary discrepancy and asked what she could do to make things right. She even offered to refuse her current salary. I told her not to worry, that I'd already given notice to the partners that I'd be leaving the firm, so the problem would soon solve itself.
I explained that the partners were three of the sickest individuals I'd ever encountered, that she shouldn't be surprised at anything they did, and to consider the source when dealing with the damage they caused. I communicated a few choice morsels about them, swore her to secrecy as long as I continued to work there, and shook her hand to seal the bargain. I also told her I didn't care what she said after I left.
I learned later from the firm's website that it took the partners more than two years to restore order.
Little Lisa
Little Lisa was a petite, drop-dead gorgeous twenty-something blue-eyed blond. Her job title was tax accountant but her knowledge of taxation was limited. Her real job was to spy on the staff and report any issues to the partners, as well as to date the male clients when the partners asked her to.
One day Mo confided to me that little Lisa enjoyed working with me and she wished we could have a closer relationship. I pondered this interesting bit of news. Little Lisa had never given me any such indication. I thought about it and thought about it and thought about it. She sure was attractive, but something seemed amiss.
A few days later I was sitting in my office working on someone's tax return as usual when all of a sudden I burst out laughing. I laughed and laughed and laughed. I couldn't stop. "What if someone comes in here and sees me?" I thought. "They'll think I'm crazy."
You guessed it. Mo was setting me up.
I Tell Mo What I Think of Him
A pushover I'm not. Mo needed to be taught a lesson. I'd already made up my mind to leave the firm, so what the heck? He'd set me up, so I would set him up.
The next time I was in his office I said to him humbly, "I've been thinking things over. This is your business and you're the boss. We'll do things your way." He smiled and seemed genuinely pleased. "Good!" he said.
I had to wait a couple of weeks for the right moment to jerk the noose. Finally it came. I was alone in Mo's office with him and his unpleasant audit manager.
"Do you think she's attractive?" he asked me.
"I don't know what I think of her," I replied, "but I know what I think of you."
"What's that?" he asked in all innocence.
"You're an embarrassment to the firm and a disgrace to the profession."